The Finish Line is in sight

I am almost done with the Youth Works summer. It has been a journey to say the least. I feel like i have been under a gigantic flashlight all summer. Everywhere i go i am under inspection. Maybe thats why i got sent to Daytona Beach, because God knew i needed a lot of light in my life. He has showed me many things and i know that this was a very important step in my healing. God is so good to me. I had a leader who displayed Christ to me in every area for the first time in my life this summer. she called me out in one summer more than any leader i have ever had. it was hard and good at the same time.
i am going back to Wilmore a little wounded, but the wounds were not inflected by the summer, they were just wounds that i had long ago band-aided up and the band-aids were just ripped off. this will allow me to actually be honest and open and to allow them to heal. i realized that i strive and maintain control in every area of my life. i have still not settled in my heart whether i can trust God and if He really loves me. i always try to prove myself instead of allowing the Spirit to be my offense and my defense.
I desire to live by the Spirit and if i do this, i will not walk according to the flesh! thank you Jesus for your healing. this time around i am not going to hide the wounds, i am going to allow the SON to heal them and then the scars will be my testimony of His grace.
thanks be to God who casues us to stand,
joshua
this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

Destructive patterns

I have so much to process and write about, but this is what clouds my thoughts. It will destroy me.
joshua

First Week's

I finished my first week as site director of the Daytona Beach site for Youth Works. It was busy to say the least. I worked roughly a hundred hours in about 5 and half days. I realized even more that i don't want to do ministry as so many do it. I must connect to God. I must do everything out of the overflow of my personal relationship with God. I was trying to take a nap after the students left today and i couldn't help but just sob at the realization that He truly is returning to make all things right and that i need Him to awaken love in me and unlock my heart so i can feel. His leadership is trustworthy. I can barely right this without weeping at the thought of His rule and how i desire to be alive in Him. He is the first and the last, how dare i do His work outside of His empowerment and His outflow. He is coming again and i am preparing the way before Him. i cant do the whole busy ministry thing. i must have time to be with Him. a person that has the touch of God on their life does more for the kingdom in 5 minutes than someone does in a life time without the touch of God. Leonard Ravenhill used to say that if a man were to be touched by God for just one hour the world would never be the same again. i think i now truly believe that. i want to be that man. i would rather have just one of hour of really being used by God than a life time of being half used. This must come out of the place of intimacy through prayer. "He's alive, now I'm alive!"

joshua

this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

Strengthening my inner man

The Prayer of Paul.
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

This has been my anthem here at Youth Works this summer. At the beginning of my time doing ministry again, i found myself doing it entirely out of human effort. i began to do ministry the same exact way that i had done in the past, the exact way that i swore i would never do again. i was doing ministry apart from the presence of God. it wasn't that it was failing, it wasn't that it was even going just OK, but i knew in my heart that I was doing it, not the Lord through me. i will never do ministry again that way. i must be in constant connection with the Father. the Lord then brought me to this passage in the book of Ephesians. Paul was imploring the church of Ephesus to allow God to strengthen their inner man. he was not praying that they would be able to "do" the ministry, he was praying that they would be able to understand the love of Christ and through that love, which was strengthened by the Spirit, God would be able to do more than they could ask or think. It was God doing the strengthening, and God doing the more. the whole thing was God. He started, He sustained, He completed. I desire to do ministry that gives glory to know man. I want to decrease that He may increase. amen and amen
Joshua

This is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

Incessant Mercy

God seems to bless me even when i do not deserve it. he never ceases to amaze me. he lavishly pours out His love and intensely draws me into His loving embrace. Who is this God we serve? Why does He love me? Love so amazing so divine!

Frustrated

UGGG

Singleness

I'm pretty sick of being single...........
O well, i guess I'll believe that God will bring that perfect person into my life, but one begins to doubt.........
I'm almost willing to just settle, Ya know? God, she doesn't have to be "the perfect one". semi perfect will be perfectly OK....
Ya, i don't really mean that, but that's how i feel sometimes. The only good thing is that there is such a large world out there, you never know who God will just drop into your life. That is a good thought, and ill stick with that one. Amen and Amen.