Questions

It seems that every time God answers a question, the answer raises about 5 more questions. Is this an endless cycle of the unknown? i think am still frustrated at God. I guess i can pray; i think thats what He wants anyway?
joshua

this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

girls make boys do crazy things.

So there is this girl a friend of mine and i are interested in getting to know. So we scheme how we can get to know her, and he quickly gets the upper hand. this puts me into a position of catch up. this puts me into a pissy mood. i do not allow myself to stay in this mood for more than 12 hours and i am better. yet, i am still left with this idea that i am in a competition to "win" this girl over. this thought process goes on for about another 24 hours until this afternoon, the spirit speaks so softly to me and reminds me of something He showed me last year. That i do not need to strive for a relationship. i am not in a competition. He will bring my future wife into my life, i just need to trust that He will bring it about. I had forgot that the past couple days. i thank God that He is patient with me. All i need to do is act when He brings her into my life. so, i apologized to my brother and put my faith in the God who already has the perfect girl picked out. i am 24 years old and girls still make me do crazy things.... haha

joshua

this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

The Elections

I can hear the sound of Rain coming to America again.
more to come
Joshua

this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

The Secret Things Revealed

I had a strong feeling from the Lord last night that He wants to uncover secret things in our community. That is a scary thought. I have been asking the Lord through this fast to purify me and uncover any secret sin. I desire the Lord to rebuke me and purify me in this age, not the next. i want to be found ready and faithful in that day. So i say, Lord, search me and know my heart, try me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. "a holy man is an awful weapon in the hands of God."
joshua

this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

The Fast

I am glad no one really reads this blog because then i can write things i really don't want people to read. with that in mind, i am going to be going on an extended fast. it starts on the 23rd of September and ends November 2nd. I will be doing a liquid fast. the purpose of the fast is primarily for America to turn back to God, specifically California. along with that, it is for the elections and for the unborn. i am also fasting for my niece Jade's healing, revival to hit Wilmore, KY, and for personal renewal and holiness. I will be joining thousands who will be fasting all around the country and my roommate Ryan will also be doing a media fast. I consecrate my heart to the Lord. Father God, I give myself to You, for the next forty days and for the rest of my life. God end abortion, save marriage and send revival to America! Lord, touch Wilmore with Your power and Glory, blowing away religion and academics, ushering in a new era of the Spirit and Presence of God. I also ask that You would heal my niece and that You set me apart in an even greater way for Your use; breaking away habitual sin and propelling me towards greater depths in You. i pray all this in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Spirit, Amen.

joshua

this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

Dry

I feel very dry these days. i feel like if someone blew to hard, i would blow away. I need the Spirit to prophecy unto my dry bones and allow me to live. Can these dry bones live? You alone know lord!

joshua

Live

"In Him we live and move and have our very being." that has been the theme for verse for the youth works summer and has also been kinda a personal mantra for me this summer. i found myself relying on my own abilities, my own hard work, and my own ambitions to get me through the summer. yet, through the wisdom of a good leader and a friend, i was able to see that i was relying on the arm of the flesh and i was striving. i was not allowing ministry to flow out of an abundance of what the Lord was doing in and through me. i was not serving under the understanding that no matter the outcome, my ministry was blessed by God and that i was His dearly beloved. i was working to please man and not God. this led me to work out of fear and reservation. i would not invest my life into adults, students, and community members because i was afraid that they would reject me or not find me credible. to compensate for this, i would strive. God is faithful though, and He caused me to realize that i must serve out of the abundance of His love for me and the time i spend in personal devotion.
it is through that abundant overflow i find true life and i am able to give true life. so many times we run ministries on empty, and we only produce flesh. flesh only produces death. it is my pursuit to truly live, move and have my being in Him.

joshua

this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

The Finish Line is in sight

I am almost done with the Youth Works summer. It has been a journey to say the least. I feel like i have been under a gigantic flashlight all summer. Everywhere i go i am under inspection. Maybe thats why i got sent to Daytona Beach, because God knew i needed a lot of light in my life. He has showed me many things and i know that this was a very important step in my healing. God is so good to me. I had a leader who displayed Christ to me in every area for the first time in my life this summer. she called me out in one summer more than any leader i have ever had. it was hard and good at the same time.
i am going back to Wilmore a little wounded, but the wounds were not inflected by the summer, they were just wounds that i had long ago band-aided up and the band-aids were just ripped off. this will allow me to actually be honest and open and to allow them to heal. i realized that i strive and maintain control in every area of my life. i have still not settled in my heart whether i can trust God and if He really loves me. i always try to prove myself instead of allowing the Spirit to be my offense and my defense.
I desire to live by the Spirit and if i do this, i will not walk according to the flesh! thank you Jesus for your healing. this time around i am not going to hide the wounds, i am going to allow the SON to heal them and then the scars will be my testimony of His grace.
thanks be to God who casues us to stand,
joshua
this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

Destructive patterns

I have so much to process and write about, but this is what clouds my thoughts. It will destroy me.
joshua

First Week's

I finished my first week as site director of the Daytona Beach site for Youth Works. It was busy to say the least. I worked roughly a hundred hours in about 5 and half days. I realized even more that i don't want to do ministry as so many do it. I must connect to God. I must do everything out of the overflow of my personal relationship with God. I was trying to take a nap after the students left today and i couldn't help but just sob at the realization that He truly is returning to make all things right and that i need Him to awaken love in me and unlock my heart so i can feel. His leadership is trustworthy. I can barely right this without weeping at the thought of His rule and how i desire to be alive in Him. He is the first and the last, how dare i do His work outside of His empowerment and His outflow. He is coming again and i am preparing the way before Him. i cant do the whole busy ministry thing. i must have time to be with Him. a person that has the touch of God on their life does more for the kingdom in 5 minutes than someone does in a life time without the touch of God. Leonard Ravenhill used to say that if a man were to be touched by God for just one hour the world would never be the same again. i think i now truly believe that. i want to be that man. i would rather have just one of hour of really being used by God than a life time of being half used. This must come out of the place of intimacy through prayer. "He's alive, now I'm alive!"

joshua

this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

Strengthening my inner man

The Prayer of Paul.
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

This has been my anthem here at Youth Works this summer. At the beginning of my time doing ministry again, i found myself doing it entirely out of human effort. i began to do ministry the same exact way that i had done in the past, the exact way that i swore i would never do again. i was doing ministry apart from the presence of God. it wasn't that it was failing, it wasn't that it was even going just OK, but i knew in my heart that I was doing it, not the Lord through me. i will never do ministry again that way. i must be in constant connection with the Father. the Lord then brought me to this passage in the book of Ephesians. Paul was imploring the church of Ephesus to allow God to strengthen their inner man. he was not praying that they would be able to "do" the ministry, he was praying that they would be able to understand the love of Christ and through that love, which was strengthened by the Spirit, God would be able to do more than they could ask or think. It was God doing the strengthening, and God doing the more. the whole thing was God. He started, He sustained, He completed. I desire to do ministry that gives glory to know man. I want to decrease that He may increase. amen and amen
Joshua

This is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

Incessant Mercy

God seems to bless me even when i do not deserve it. he never ceases to amaze me. he lavishly pours out His love and intensely draws me into His loving embrace. Who is this God we serve? Why does He love me? Love so amazing so divine!

Frustrated

UGGG

Singleness

I'm pretty sick of being single...........
O well, i guess I'll believe that God will bring that perfect person into my life, but one begins to doubt.........
I'm almost willing to just settle, Ya know? God, she doesn't have to be "the perfect one". semi perfect will be perfectly OK....
Ya, i don't really mean that, but that's how i feel sometimes. The only good thing is that there is such a large world out there, you never know who God will just drop into your life. That is a good thought, and ill stick with that one. Amen and Amen.

Abort Abort Abort

Wow, i almost walked into a land-mine of a situation! Super jacked up, thank God for giving me eyes and ears and God timing...

Dancing with Jesus

Dance with me O lover of my soul, to the song of all songs.

Frustrated

I am super frustrated right now. I am frustrated at almost everyone, but especially myself. I am so frustrated i don't want to type out why I'm frustrated because it would take e so long to articulate how frustrated i am. The main reason I'm frustrated is because i want to be used by Jesus and i am not being used the way i know i am called to be used so i try to employ worldly methods of advancement which only leads me to being used less by God. yep, thats a mouth full. i need to only be found in the place of intimacy. i need to only let my words come from intimacy. i need to get the side issues taken care of so i can "waste" my life in intercession for the world; so that i can be a light and pour out the oil of the spirit on people i encounter everyday.


joshua


this is reality You are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of Your government will know no end!

been too long

its been too long since i posted last and i think I'm gonna give blogging another run for its money. i really want to be all deep and spiritual on this thing, but i cant seem to get past simple heart things like loving Jesus more and treating Him better.
with that in mind, i might as well not stop it now. the thing Ive been thinking about most is side issues. so many times we allow them to come in and keep us from the great things God has for us. they are the little foxes that spoil the vine. they are the bad directions that get us just off course enough to get us lost, they are the bad timing that causes hell to break out. i want to have doves eyes, eyes of single devotion.
i don't want to talk about you like your not in the room, i want to look right at you, i want to sing right to you.

random thoughts

this thought must get out of my head. it was never anything and will never be anything. God is doing something at asbury that is so much bigger than me or anyone else. its going to rock nations. God is showing me what true community looks like and that i need to be vulnerable in it. God is beginning to raise me up to a place of true servant-authority. i am so excited about seeing it. i want my roots to go deep in God, to know Him face to face. i had a dream today, it was good and i hope it is a reality someday ( see my first random thought to correlate w/ this thought, just a dream) i love my OT class. greek is rough and i cant wait to be done w/ it. i pray its the Lord's will for me to be on this internship w/ VOM this summer. that would be boss. our 10 days of 24/7 prayer is almost over, thats good cause im tired. God has been rocking my world lately, but i still need to be more consistent in my time in the word. God is beginning to give me boldness i forgot i had. i dont want to ever manipulate anyone, that disgusts me. God is good and im excited to what it is. "theres something bigger going, theres something bigger than me!"

joshua





and this is reality, you are coming to reign on the earth, and the increase of your government will know no end!

questions

just questioning what im doing.